Wow. Talk about your big decisions. I woke up this morning to the phone ringing. Thinking it was probably family (this happens frequently), I picked it up and mumbled a sleepy "hello?". Well, it wasn't anyone in my family, but instead it was a teacher from Mountain View, a school that I frequently sub at. She was calling to offer me a job. How many times does someone wake you up with an ideal job offer at a place you love to work, with people you love to work with, when you haven't even applied? However, there is a reason I haven't been looking for work, so I told them no. But then, as much as I wanted to, I couldn't sleep for thinking about it. After all, it was the job I have wanted, at a great school, with great people, and it just dropped out of the blue. So, I called back for the details. Part-time, temporary, taking over for someone I had subbed for before. It sounded ideal. But what was best for my family? After two hours of going back and forth and trying to come up with various ways that I could make it work, I realized that I was striving. I looked at my sleeping baby and realized that this is time I won't have with her again. I want to decide on a day to day basis whether I want to work, rather than being scheduled into it every day. I haven't had to make a decision this difficult for awhile--I can't tell you how badly I wanted the job. Even after Josh and I made the decision, I put off calling the school until just now, maybe somehow hoping things would change. But I guess that's part of being a mom--being willing to make sacrifices for your kids. It's not a long-term sacrifices, only a short-term. I will get my chance, just not next week. I know I made the right decision, but now I'm going to go cry a little. I want to be a kid again--it's awfully hard being an adult.
2 comments:
Hmm, I tried this once already! This is the first time in a long time I've visited... Just want you to know that you are an AWESOME mom and I am so very proud of you! Pretty cute baby too!
I love you and always will!
Mom
What a challenging position to be in! I can relate. So many times I've been faced with either an opportunity, or a realization of something I was already involved in that I may need to drop for the sake of my family. I empathize with your feeling of wishing to be a kid again! I will never forget a serious talk my mom had with me when I turned 5 (I know, seems silly, but it was serious to me at the time and I never forgot it!). She said that up to that point, my childhood was pretty much a bed of roses; everything was beautiful, and lovely and I had no cares to worry about. But as I was leaving that phase of my childhood behind and gaining the independence I desired, I would also gain responsibilities. It is not easy growing up. But then, the joys God brings into your life are so much more meaningful than when you were a child.
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